She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize