remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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