I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
