i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
