i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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