My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
