If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
