Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
