i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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