I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Boobs speak an international language.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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