she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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