hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
