How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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