your room smells of hookers.
And success
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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