Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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