so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize