We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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