: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
