I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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