Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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