I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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