I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
