who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize