There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize