I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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