Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
