Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
