You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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