Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
