wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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