I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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