Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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