so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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