So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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