Just fell off a train. Bad.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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