my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
