I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
