I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
