i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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