if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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