im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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