Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
