I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
