I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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