I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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