I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
