everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Congratulations! We have a period
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
