I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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