Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
