She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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