She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
