yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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