I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
