NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize