By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
