I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize