You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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