I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
