just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize