One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
