dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
