Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
