So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
